I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
