He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
