Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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