Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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