Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
