wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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