I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
