I feel great
I just peed on a car
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
