She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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