If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
