All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
