last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We are two peas in an std pod
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
