dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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