wakey wakey hands off snakey
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
