Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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