You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Boobs speak an international language.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
