I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
