You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
