this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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