I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
