i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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