plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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