He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
