I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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