dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
