Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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