I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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