He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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