Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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