Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
