oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
