I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He felt like a one man threesome
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
