it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
