Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
