she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
