i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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