Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
