I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
