god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
