Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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