And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
