she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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