I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
God gave him joint rollers for hands
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
