I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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