The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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