I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
