Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
