My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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