You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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