is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
