I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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