remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
