Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
