we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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