i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize