I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
