Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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