it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We need to get me chipped asap
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
