We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In other news, I just burned my penis
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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