he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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