The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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