I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
