Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
