redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
