You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize