I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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