is your mom at the bar?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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