I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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