First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
