I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
