I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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