So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
