You're so nebulous sometimes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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