i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize