the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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