people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
