Just fell off a train. Bad.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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