my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
